Temporal and Time-Based Art Project
The whole idea of temporal art is that it only exists in a limited space and time. This can be expressed through performance arts, sequential imagery, a variety of mediums, film, music, and lots more. For example, Van Gogh was not a performance artist, but when his paintings are animated and projected onto the walls of a darkened gallery it becomes experiential and performative in nature, thus becoming temporal art.
Preface
This was such an interesting piece to make. I hit a lot of roadblocks and hiccups in the plan, and I do feel a need to explain my mistakes and point out my failures before anyone else does, but this whole piece is about being myself and loving what I do despite external opinions that I’ve internalized. So I will talk about hiccups, but not mistakes (which is going to be super hard for me).
Personal Story:
When I began being self-conscious of my body, dance was a very hard thing to stick with. I’ve danced since I was 2 years old, but only really fell back in love with it in the last few years. The number of unspoken rules and ideas around what a dancer should look like, act like, and move like is oppressive to what should be an expressive and explorative art form/sport (it’s both, dance can be two things at once).
Being forced to dance in a skin-tight leotard is so exposing and I think is not a good thing for young kids- especially AFAB (assigned female at birth) kids to experience. Dancing in front of a mirror can also be dangerous to one’s image. My personal experiences in dance really made me dislike the ways my body bent and folded as I moved.
I didn’t realize until I switched dance studios to one that didn’t have mandatory uniforms how small I was making myself. I would shrink to the back of the room, stay silent, take up as little space as possible, and overall: I didn’t trust myself. My confidence was 0, and it took a lot of effort and practice to find myself. It’s funny because I do take pride in my dancing and I do think I’m good at it, but the idea of owning that made me feel like I was being selfish and self-centered, even though I wasn’t, and I think that insecurity and timidness lead to me not being able to ask for solos or ask to go on pointe with confidence. It also likely made other people think I was shy and didn’t want to be featured.
I struggled with disordered eating and anxiety attacks for a long time, and I still struggle with anxiety and panic today.
When I switched studios, almost immediately, I realized that ballet class was never going to give me the confidence and validation I sought. The new studio was super understanding of my anxiety and panic disorders, which really helped me to feel comfortable in the space. They also would cheer dancers on as they danced. There was minimal misdirected anger towards the dancers, and we were treated as equal artists in the creation of the dances.
The switch caused me to really deconstruct the societal opinions I had internalized about myself and my body.
The year-end performance took place outside due to COVID restrictions, on a black rubber-like floor set up in someone’s big backyard. It was 30-40 degrees outside every single day, and we performed and filmed for two days. Everyone who didn’t wear shoes for their numbers was getting their feet burned on the searing hot floor as the sun beat down on us and melted out makeup. One person even got minor heatstroke. It was a rough performance, but for me, worth every second. I didn’t believe in my dancing truly until that day. I had a moment in my solo where I stopped briefly and then exploded with movement, and as I did, everyone who was there screamed and cheered, and it was one of the most important moments of my life because I suddenly felt so loved and beautiful.
It was a defining moment for me and my confidence, and even though I still don’t always feel comfortable in my corporeal form, I did, I have, and I will again.
Process
I knew I wanted to do something to do with dance and its impact on my life. I had a bunch of different ideas for how I wanted to explore that and different things I wanted to say. I decided that the “dancer’s body” was something I wanted to talk about. I wanted to be less serious and more expressive, and hopefully, I conveyed a sense of evolution and personal expression leading to release.
I started out by drawing some designs for costumes that I could tear apart or deconstruct in a performative way. Then I decided that lace would be a good idea- not only is it very delicate and easy to destroy, but it’s also deeply connected to the ballet world in my mind. I went to the thrift store and found some tear-able looking lace drapes and table runners to cut up, and I cut up little pieces of the lace to glue to my face as well.
I really wanted to explore the idea of needing to deconstruct yourself to find yourself and start back again. To shed past ideas and negative opinions that I’ve internalized and applied to myself. To really find out what I was made of and who I was/wanted to be, I needed to completely forget everything from before. Perhaps not forget, but let go of. Put down. Shed. It’s almost like a metamorphosis because I really needed to deconstruct and reconstruct myself and my opinions of myself.
I’ve never gone on pointe so I often feel a bit like I missed out or am currently missing out on the classic ballets that I loved as a child. Don Quixote, Swan Lake, and lots of other iconic ballets I’ve never danced. I always fantasized about dancing the role of Kitri.
After gathering some pieces from these ballets, I mixed them together in a sort of discordant melody using Garageband with the main song, “The Calling” underneath repeating its intro quietly.
I chose the song “The Calling” by The Amazing Devil because I just love the song so much. I know it inside out and you can even see me mouthing some of the lyrics while I’m dancing. It makes me feel powerful and like I can get through my anxious and insecure moments.
The costume and makeup consisted of the following:
Tan jazz shoes, a black basic leotard, a long white “skirt” tied around my waist, a hand-made white bodice tied with thread to the leotard, a white lace curtain tied around my neck and shoulders with holes cut in it for my arms, small pieces of white lace glued to my face and chest with dance costume-to-skin glue. My hair had to be glued down with the same stuff because I (a seasoned dancer) forgot bobby pins :p. White eyeliner under and over my eyes,
I then, intelligently, decided that I needed some white in my hair, and proceeded to drag ACRYLIC PAINT INTO MY HAIR. 🙂
I went in to do my studio monitor job on Saturday and had only one chance to film this. Not only did I have a time limit (10 am-4 pm), but I also only had one costume that I had to rip up during the dance. After procrastinating on my makeup and setting up for about 2 hours, I finally just set up the cameras and pressed play on the music. I started off a bit nervous, knowing that the entire project depended on this one run-through, but after a verse and a chorus, I started to get into a flow. I actually think that the parts where I was thinking less were the best parts. I was also trying to keep a certain pace with the ripping of the costume so that I wouldn’t be completely naked before the song was even over. Unfortunately, some pieces of my costume were easier to take off than others. I was able to (sort of) edit the most awkward parts and maintain the flow of the one-take filming. The cameras never stopped, this was all one take, so any true problems had to be cut around with different angles, carefully edited out, or just gotten over on my part.
Editing this was probably the hardest part. It took about two days, but the worst was having to watch myself over and over again. Without even meaning to, I started noticing certain choices I didn’t like and criticizing myself. It was an interesting experience, and it made me uncomfortable to confront it and try to not focus on the could-would-shoulds. Even though the dance was all improvised on the spot, I still found myself being too hard on myself.
After filming, I spent about 2 days editing each angle together and trying to make it look seamless. I think if I was to do this project differently now, I would put one of the cameras further to the right of me and also tape on the floor the lines of sight for each camera so that I didn’t stray out of frame. I considered getting a friend or family member to come in and help the film with a hand-held camera and move around a bit more, but now I think that the stationary cameras lend to the idea of perceived perfection in dance.
Overall, I loved the process of this, but I think in the future if I were to do any more performance pieces I would either get someone else to edit them or just do them live and one-time-only.
